August 27, 2012

how to choose good friends

i found an interesting article on the subject of friends. below are bits of pieces i took from the article which felt quite meaningful (or relevant) to me.
find the full article here.

Categories of Friends:
  • Best Friend
  • Good Friends for Life
  • Casual Friends
  • Work Friends
  • Backstabbing Friends
To have a ‘Best friend' is a wonderful thing to have in life. This friend will know everything about you and never use it against you. They will always want the best for you know matter what. They will try and talk you out of things or talk you into things but it will all be for your good. It doesn’t matter how old or young you are, when you are around your best friend there will be an excitement inside of you and happiness. To find such a friend takes time. You have to filter through friends to find that person.
i believe that your other half should be your best friend once you're married. this might be a rare relationship among married couples, but i could be wrong =). best friends are really rare to find, because in this world, people tend to think of themselves first before you, and imo it defeats the purpose of wanting what's best for you. i personally feel that everyone needs a best friend, a person they can turn to for the right advice for your own good, even though it's what you don't wanna hear. some people are dead set in what they have decided upon, and simply ask for advice just for the sake of asking. best friends are there to ensure that your decision is not one-sided.
best friends don't simply blindly agree to whatever the friend says just because they think it's what you want to hear, because whatever you think might not be the right choice for you in the first place. like for instance your best friend suddenly wants to tattoo her whole body and then run away to join the circus just because she suddenly feels like she wants to become an acrobat, you wouldn't just blindly say 'you go girl, i'm all for it!' now will you?

The best life long friends are the 'Good friends for life' friends. They go through everything with you and still stand beside you. You can go for years or months and not see these friends but know that they will be there for you in a minute. They are there if you need them.
does Sarah qualify in this category? LOL =P. granted i don't have many friends in this category, friends come and go just as the trends come and go... just as spring turns to summer to autumn to winter... the older you get, the harder it is to maintain a friendship, especially when you don't have that much in common. good friends for life are the friends who even though you don't see them as often as you should, but whenever you cross paths with each other, it's like you never left.
Casual friends are friends you see at events or through your children. You still need them in your life. You never know when a casual friend will turn into a life long friend. Casual friends are there if you need them to help out.
hmmm... does my baby-wearing friends i see at meetups count? perhaps parents of my children's friends might fill this category. i know that thanks to this group, i've managed to befriend people from work backgrounds that are different from mine. friends like these have the potential to flourish into long term friends, given the right situation.

Work friends are friends that you have at work but usually don’t see them outside of working settings. Work friends are good to have but don’t confide your personal business with them unless you want your personal business spread all over your work place. Work friends are good to have if you are considering another job and can use them as references.
i don't think i ever hung out much with my colleagues other than during working hours and social office events. have you ever heard of the saying, 'jangan bagitau orang?' well. if you ever plan to confide in a colleague, never EVER start by using those 3 words. like children, they'll do the total opposite. HAHAHAHA. but it is important to keep your old friendships from your previous companies, in Significant Other's line of work, it really does make a big difference.

Backstabbing friends are maybe the worst kind of a friend. They get close to you to find something to in return use it against you if they have to for their personal gain. Be careful of the backstabbing friends. They can destroy your income and your self esteem.
i've had a friend like this before. you thought they could be trusted. you thought that they were a friend you could confide in... to bare your soul. you thought that they fell in the 'good friends for life' or 'best friend' category. goes to show just how wrong you could be. they pretend that they want what's best for you, they talk you into doing things that is supposed to be good for you, but in actual fact, it's the total opposite. jealousy, perhaps? in times of need they end up dropping you like a hot potato just to save their ass on the line. you end up making the wrong decisions, get influenced by all the wrong things, and end up hurting those around you that actually mean the world to you. if you're affected financially, then that's even worse. you end up hating yourself, and for those with a weak 'iman', you might end up going over to the 'dark side'.

a friend who supported the endings of marriages... would you call that a friend?

Significant Other always tells me to choose my friends wisely, as it's friends like these that will benefit you in the long run. these friends will help you better yourself, to make you become a better person, to help push you further to achieve accomplishments you never could have on your own. or you could decide to be stagnant and be with friends that choose to pull you down, or hold you back from the success that was really meant to be yours. it's your choice.

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